Grief rights!

1.I have the right to have my own unique feelings about the death. I may feel mad, sad, or lonely. I may feel scared or relieved. I may feel numb or sometimes not anything at all. No one will feel exactly like I do.
2.I have the right to talk about my grief whenever I feel like talking. When I need to talk, I will find someone who will listen to me and love me. When I don’t want to talk about it, that’s OK too.
3.I have the right to show my feelings of grief in my own way. When they are hurting, some kids like to play so they’ll feel better for awhile. I can play or laugh, too. I might also get mad and scream. This does not mean I am bad, it just means I have scary feelings that I need help with.
4.I have the right to need other people to help me with my grief, especially grownups who care about me. Mostly I need them to pay attention to what I am feeling and saying and to love me no matter what.
5.have the right to get upset about normal, everyday problems. I might feel grumpy and have trouble getting along with others sometimes.
6.I have the right to have “griefbursts.” Griefbursts are sudden, unexpected feelings of sadness that just hit me sometimes—even long after the death. These feelings can be very strong and even scary. When this happens, I might feel afraid to be alone.
7.I have the right to use my beliefs about my god to help me deal with my feelings of grief. Praying might make me feel better and somehow closer to the person who died.
8.I have the right to try to figure out why the person I loved died. But it’s OK if I don’t find an answer. “Why” questions about life and death are the hardest questions in the world.
9.I have the right to think and talk about my memories of the person who died. Sometimes those memories will be happy and sometimes they might be sad. Either way, these memories help me keep alive my love for the person who died.
10.I have the right to move toward and feel my grief and, over time, to heal. I’ll go on to live a happy life, but the life and death of the person who died will always be a part of me. I’ll always miss them.

Why is Mommy Sad?

Jenny was picked up from school by her neighbor, Dena, today instead of mommy; perhaps mommy had a headache or was late from an appoinment. When the car drove up to the neighbor's house across the street she noticed alot of cars parked every where; a sick weird sort of funny feeling rolled around in her tummy. Like the time she ate a corn dog, cotton candy, a big snow cone, and rode the roller coaster with her big brother Billy last Summer.

Jenny bearly had time to push open the front door when her Uncle Dave's huge muscular arm held it open as he went for her and scooped her up like a doll in one of those crane machines. She was startled and scared by the big drops of tears falling from his eyes; as a matter of fact, everyone in the house was sobbing!

Jenny scanned the room quickly for her mom, but mom was no where to be found. She quickly wiggled and wriggled until that little five year old managed to squirm out of Uncle Dave's arms, she yelled loud and hard. "Mommy!" as she ran down the hall looking and screaming every step of the way. There, in the bedroom, huddled on the bed, was her mom, sobbing.

Everyone was trying to usher Jenny out of the room, saying that she was too young to understand. How could she understand when no one would explain what everyone was crying about? Why was all these people in her home? Why was her mommy so sad? What could possibly happen so bad that could make so many people cry so hard?

later that evening, Jenny's Daddy came home from his business trip, Jenny was so glad to see him. Maybe he would tell her why mommy as so sad?There was some talk about grandma, sometimes everyone would laugh and then they would start to cry again. Jenny overheard someone say Grandma was gone. But where did she go and if grandma left, why didn't she take her big funny carpet bag? It was very confusing. Jenny went into Grandma's room and just sat on her big chair. She sat there and rocked back and forth and rubbed her soft quilt that grandma made years ago. Jenny took the quilt, dragged it into momy's room, and handed it to mommy.

"Is Grandma going to take this with her when she goes?" Asked Jenny with a soft gentle smile.

Everyone in the room made a loud noise and took a deap breath in! Jenny's face turned flat and her eyes went big. Everyone looked with a disaproving gaze. Jenny's eyes teared up. She had no idea what she had said to make everyone look so funny, and not in that clown sort of way, but in that, I have a sick tummy way.

Daddy took Jenny and picked her up sweetly and carried her off for a talk.
"Hi sweet-pea" daddy said with a kiss on her damp cheek. "It's been a crazy day huh?" Jenny just nodded her head as she nuzzled into his chest. "Daddy needs to talk to you about Grandma, and about something else too." He continued. "Do you know what death is?"Jenny looked a little puzzled. and said.
"I'm not to sure daddy. On TV, I hear it, but I don't really know what it is."

"Do you remember the little herb garden you grew last summer?" AskDaddy.
Jenny nodded her head."Yes, Daddy."

"Well, remember when we first planted the seeds, and they grew, they needed water, sunlight, food, and someone to take care of them?" He added.

"Yes, I Do Remember." Replied Jenny.

"Do you know what happens when they don't get what they need, or if they were sick?" Asked Daddy.

Jenny scratched her auburn hair and scrunched up her nose. "I don't know daddy, we ate them remember?"
Daddy laughed. "oh yeah...I guess we did." Well, back to the subject. Daddy tried hard to stay on task. "Honey, every growing thing lives and every growing thing will die. trees, plants,birds, dogs, cats, fish, ...."
Jenny interupts" Even my gold fish fluffy?"
"Yes, Jenny, someday, even Fluffy will die too." continues daddy " When things and people die, they are gone and can not come back. We can keep their memory in our hearts and in our minds, we can remember how much they loved us and all the fun things they did, we can smile when we remember them and yes, we can even cry when we miss them."
Jenny looked up at daddy and then at Grandma's chair. "Daddy?"
Daddy looked over his glasses at Jenny."Yes, Sweet-pea"
"Is Grandma Dead?" Jenny asked as she rubbed her chair.
Daddy scooped Jenny up and gave her a hug and said..."Yes." They both cried. "Daddy," Jenny asked with a sniffle while her little nose dripped. "are you and Mommy going to die too?" Daddy sighed and said. "Someday, we will, but I think it will be after we are very old, and have lived to see you grow up to be a mommy , doctor, baseball player or whatever you want when you get big!.""We all are born, and we all will die someday, that is life. The wonderful thing about it all is, we have one another, we have love, and have beautiful memories, and pictures we can pull out and share from days of yesterday that will make us smile again."
Jenny smiled. She ran to the closet and got her baby book, took it out and grabbed the picture of grandma holding her when she was born. "Look daddy, Grandma is happy here! Can I take this to show mommy?"
Daddy nodded yes; Jenny took the picture and went into mommy's room.

I don't plan on dying for a long time!

No one plans on dying, it can happen from an accident, getting sick, choking-- Ok, I'm not trying to scare anyone but-- Death will happen to all of us. What is some of the important thing we all need to do? Make a will, discuss your plans and wishes with your loved ones, make sure more than one person knows where to find your vital information, make previsions for under aged children, keep your medical information where a family member will find it easily, if you wish to be a organ donor, let it be known! (not just on your license) Take the time to jot down anything you might feel is relevant-- Access codes, passwords, etc. ( in a safe place that is...) If you want certain people to have specific items after you are gone; put it in writing and sign it. Unfortunately when a loved one is gone, the scavengers come out in flocks!

I being of sound mind and body--spent it! I bequeath to you, my love, memories; good bad and ugly.. I lived my life, made my share of mistakes; I will go to my maker with a clear conscience knowing I did my best. So, there will be no treasures to share except the ones I hold dear on this earth--my family.

the dreaded "C" word!!!

This is sometimes known as the Grim Reeper to some; a sure death sentance. We face the same process; we have shock, denial, what if's and anger. We are facing our own immortality and that of those we love. We are more aware of our loved ones, of life, the beauty that encompases our daily lives...Think of this: Most who die never get the chance to tell those they love how much they are loved, to say, "forgive me".

When one is diagnosed with the dreaded "C" word or any other life-threatening illness, it is important perhaps not so much for the one dying, but it is an intriquite part of healing for the ones left facing the loss.This is called unfinished business My grandma gave me some solid advice years ago: Never let the sun set or your eyes drift to slumber before saying "I'm sorry" or most important,"I love you"I do think it sad however, that we never get this done until we are facing that life and death moment. Family members argue, hold tight to grudges that should be resolved by a simple phrase, " I love you." We all may never know when the it's time for us to die. So whatever you do, hold your loved ones tight, and end the bickering. The reality is, we are all sure that one day will be that day...

It's been *blank* Months aren't you "over" it yet?

Over what? This is not the flu, or a broken fingernail; it is a loss! Depending on how great the loss might be will also depend on the severity of the grieving process. If this is a great aunt, twice removed, and you never had anything to do with her your grief might be a sniffle, half a hankie and it's all over. Consider this: It's your child, the death was too quick to even say good-bye, well then....you might never feel entirely whole again--ever. A piece of your heart and soul has just been snatched away! So, you are not crazy, if tears well up in the middle of the night, or while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-- A death, especially if it's someone you love more than life itself, the grief is not just going to stop just because of some time table--take your time, allow that whole in your heart to fill. Sometimes, it never really fills up, it can however become a part of who you are.

Oh no-- it's getting close to my friend's dead loved one's birthday!

Number one: Whatever you do, don't avoid the mentioning of the lost loved one's name. As someone who has lost a child, I can honestly say, we need to be reminded of out lost family member, we need stories, memories, objects, and whatever it takes to keep our loved ones in our minds. It's hard to say but we want them here with us, and since we can't have that--any reminder will do. So, acknowledge the memory, the existence, it's vital to the grieving process. We know they are gone, the painful reminder is there, stabbing at our already weakened hearts. No, we are not over it--nor will we ever be. We did not lose an article of clothing we lost a part of ourselves. Send a short note, a birthday card, something that allows us the moment to reflect on the loved one. Send anniversary cards to a widow or widower, they relish that time of their life and need someone--anyone to validate how they feel.

Children Dealing with Death

Living with Death

Death is a reality that children, like all of us, can learn to live with.

Even before the death of a close family member occurs, parents can begin to introduce the idea of death as a part of everyday life. The nightly news, a trip past the cemetery, or a dead plant or bird may spark conversation about death.

Start early, be honest and encourage children to talk about their feelings regarding death.

Periodic conversations about death are important since understanding death is a gradual process. Children will take in the information as they are ready and increase their understanding as they develop.

Children feel the loss of loved ones just as intensely as adults do, although this grief is often expressed in different ways: through play, art or even acting out.

Children will cope with grief according to the stressors created by their relationship to the person (or animal) who has died.

There are some great books to introduce death to children. Let me show you a few!
I Miss You: A First Look At Death [Paperback] Pat Thomas (Author)

Gentle Willow: A Story for Children About Dying Joyce C. Mills
The Next PlaceWarren Hanson
The Kid's Book About Death and DyingEric Rofes

What On Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies? Trevor Romain

My advise, talk to a child before someone close to them dies...Death is a part of life; every living thing dies--