There are certain do's and don'ts to helping people deal with grief

What to say to someone who has lost a loved one

It is common to feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. Many people do not know what to say or do. The following are suggestions to use as a guide.

* Acknowledge the situation. Example: "I heard that your(mom/child etc died.)" Use the word "died" That will show that you are more open to talk about how the person really feels.
* Express your concern. Example: "I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you."
* Be genuine in your communication and don't hide your feelings.
Example: "I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care."
* Offer your support. Example: "Tell me what I can do for you."
* Ask how he or she feels, and don't assume you know how the bereaved person feels on any given day.

Comments to avoid when comforting the bereaved

* "I know how you feel." One can never know how another may feel. You could, instead, ask your friend to tell you how he or she feels.
* "It's part of God's plan." This phrase can make people angry and they often respond with, "What plan? Nobody told me about any plan."
* "Look at what you have to be thankful for." They know they have things to be thankful for, but right now they are not important.
* "He's in a better place now." The bereaved may or may not believe this. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked.
* "This is behind you now; it's time to get on with your life." Sometimes the bereaved are resistant to getting on with because they feel this means "forgetting" their loved one. In addition, moving on is easier said than done. Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace.
* Statements that begin with "You should" or "You will." These statements are too directive. Instead you could begin your comments with: "Have you thought about. . ." or "You might. . ."
[http://www.americanhospice.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=85&Itemid=8]
When in the grieving process, it is not a good thing for the bereaved to make any life-altering changes! Allow them to hold on to " personal items" of their loved one, clothes, favorite hat, pillow case etc. humans cling to the smell of a loved one--we need to remember them in as many ways as possible.

My sweet husband, thinking he was doing a "good thing" Found Bobby's clothes and washed them--I was devastated! I needed to feel him, smell him, touch things that he touched!

So, don't think someone is "loosing it" when the need to keep items that belong to the deceased--Let them grieve how they see fit!