Oh yes, there is fallout! We all try and deal with this the best we can; we try and find some words of comfort--some solitary verbage that will ease the pain--we fail mostly. I have to say, as someone who has lost a child that it seems there is no words to comfort an empty broken heart. Hearing:
"He's in a better place, you will see him again...someday, just think, no more pain!" What the heck? I mean, are you saying that he's better off dead than with me, or with his family? Are you telling me that living with me, his mother, is painful? Let's forget about the someday...I want him here with me NOW!!
My favorite movie that illustrates the feeling of loss is, Steel Magnolias Maylyn said it best:
M'Lynn: No.. I couldn't leave my Shelby. I just sat there and kept pushin' the way I always have where Shelby was concerned.... I was hopin' she'd sit up and argue with me. Finally we realized there was no hope. They turned off the machines. (Pause) Drum left.. couldn't take it. Jackson left. (Slight
"laugh") I find it amusin'.. men are supposed to be made outta steel or
somethin. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. Oh God.. I realize as a woman how lucky I am! I was there when that beautiful creature drifted into my life.. and I was there when she drifted out of it. It was the most precious moment of my life... [Sighs] I gotta get back. Has anyone got a mirror? M'Lynn: I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm fine.. I'm FINE! I could jog all the way to Texas and back.. but my daughter can't!! She nevercould!! Oh.. God.....I'm so mad I don't know what to do!! I wanna know why!I wanna know WHY Shelby's life is over!! I wanna HOW that baby willEVER know how wonderful his mother was.. Will he EVER know what shewent THROUGH for him? Oh God I wanna know WHY? WHY? Lord...I wish I could understand!
No...NO...NO!! It's not supposed to happen this way!I'm supposed to go first!! I've always been ready to go first! I don't think I can take this.. I.. I don't think I can take this! I just wanna hit somethin'! I just wanna hit somebody.. till they feel as bad as I do!! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it HARD!
This is how I felt, I mean when I wasn't on auto-pilot. That is a hard loss, one that never heals. Oh I have learned to live with it, learn from the experiance but never does the pain go away.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment