It's been *blank* Months aren't you "over" it yet?

Over what? This is not the flu, or a broken fingernail; it is a loss! Depending on how great the loss might be will also depend on the severity of the grieving process. If this is a great aunt, twice removed, and you never had anything to do with her your grief might be a sniffle, half a hankie and it's all over. Consider this: It's your child, the death was too quick to even say good-bye, well then....you might never feel entirely whole again--ever. A piece of your heart and soul has just been snatched away! So, you are not crazy, if tears well up in the middle of the night, or while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-- A death, especially if it's someone you love more than life itself, the grief is not just going to stop just because of some time table--take your time, allow that whole in your heart to fill. Sometimes, it never really fills up, it can however become a part of who you are.

Oh no-- it's getting close to my friend's dead loved one's birthday!

Number one: Whatever you do, don't avoid the mentioning of the lost loved one's name. As someone who has lost a child, I can honestly say, we need to be reminded of out lost family member, we need stories, memories, objects, and whatever it takes to keep our loved ones in our minds. It's hard to say but we want them here with us, and since we can't have that--any reminder will do. So, acknowledge the memory, the existence, it's vital to the grieving process. We know they are gone, the painful reminder is there, stabbing at our already weakened hearts. No, we are not over it--nor will we ever be. We did not lose an article of clothing we lost a part of ourselves. Send a short note, a birthday card, something that allows us the moment to reflect on the loved one. Send anniversary cards to a widow or widower, they relish that time of their life and need someone--anyone to validate how they feel.

Children Dealing with Death

Living with Death

Death is a reality that children, like all of us, can learn to live with.

Even before the death of a close family member occurs, parents can begin to introduce the idea of death as a part of everyday life. The nightly news, a trip past the cemetery, or a dead plant or bird may spark conversation about death.

Start early, be honest and encourage children to talk about their feelings regarding death.

Periodic conversations about death are important since understanding death is a gradual process. Children will take in the information as they are ready and increase their understanding as they develop.

Children feel the loss of loved ones just as intensely as adults do, although this grief is often expressed in different ways: through play, art or even acting out.

Children will cope with grief according to the stressors created by their relationship to the person (or animal) who has died.

There are some great books to introduce death to children. Let me show you a few!
I Miss You: A First Look At Death [Paperback] Pat Thomas (Author)

Gentle Willow: A Story for Children About Dying Joyce C. Mills
The Next PlaceWarren Hanson
The Kid's Book About Death and DyingEric Rofes

What On Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies? Trevor Romain

My advise, talk to a child before someone close to them dies...Death is a part of life; every living thing dies--

The Seven Stages of Grief

7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.